As long as I can remember I have always loved babies with a passion and longed for the day I could have one (or more!) of my own. So when that day finally came I was overwhelmed with joy but also with apprehension. I had a fear that I was finally going to have a baby of my own but what if something happened to me to test my love for God over everything. It was silly but still nagged in my mind, so I just continually went to God in prayer.
Everything was looking great and the doctors seemed happy…that is until about 36 weeks into it. My Obgyn said I was measuring a little small, which is no big deal, but did warrant another look with an ultrasound. I was excited because that meant I could see the baby in 3-D, so I brought my parents along to watch too! In the room the nurse said a couple of times, “ so…does he move much?” “Do you feel him move often?” I replied that I have felt him kick a handful of times, which I didn’t realize was an abnormally low amount at this point in the pregnancy. The doctor then came in and said, “well, we think something is very wrong with this baby. He doesn’t move much and he is very small. We’ll have to keep an eye on you and check him twice a week from now on.” I don’t remember much immediately after that, it was all a haze. I called my husband in shock and crying and trying to tell him exactly what I could remember the doctor saying.
The next few weeks I just constantly spent time in prayer and pleaded with God. Any few quiet minutes I had, I begged God for a healthy baby. I held out hope that my unborn baby was just calm and small as my OB suggested was probably the case. Visit after visit though it didn’t seem promising but didn’t show anything truly bad either, so we just had to wait. I was in a constant fear that I couldn’t feel the baby moving and felt so stressed at work all day.
Finally March 25th the day finally came, I was getting an ultrasound and his head had measured growth but rest of his body hadn’t and I needed to immediately head over to the hospital to get induced. I was excited and nervous all at the same time. I was getting my baby finally but would he be okay?
I rushed home, grabbed my stuff and called my husband to meet me at the hospital. Once we were there I was given Cervidil to get my cervix softened so I could then be induced, surprisingly though it just started me right into labor. Things seemed to be going smoothly, though very painfully! After a while I decided to get an epidural because I was so exhausted, afterwards I was finally able to get rest. Around 7am Joe got up from sleeping to use the restroom and just as he closed the door to the bathroom my room door opened and a doctor and three nurses entered quickly with a sense of urgency.
“We are taking you in to get an emergency C-Section, your baby has no heartbeat,” the doctor said frankly while quickly pulling out all the cords I was connected with, putting in new cords, adding new IV bags, yelling directions to the nursing and whisking me out the door. Joe groggily stepped out of the bathroom and had scrubs thrown into his arms and told to quickly scrub up and follow along. Poor Joe had no idea what was going on!!
All I could think was, “my baby! God give me my baby. Let him be alive. Let him be healthy. Let him be normal. God please protect my baby!” Tears rolled down my eyes silently as they sliced open my abdomen and reached in to take out my little boy… I held my breath and everyone seemed to glance over at him and he let out a shrill cry! My tears turned to ones of joy and I praised God with my whole heart.
The doctor proclaimed shortly later, “ you have a healthy baby 5 lb 6 oz. 19 1/2 in. long baby boy. Congratulations!”
As I held Isaac in my arms later I just gazed at him with adoration and all I could think was how awesome God is and how now I knew a fraction of the love our Lord has for us, who can do nothing to deserve it. It is amazing how God brings these trials into our lives to strengthen and mold us. I know I could have had an unhealthy child but by the end of the pregnancy I felt I fully trusted God to take care of me either way. I now have a happy, active, healthy four year old boy and I will always see him as God’s amazing gift to me. Praise God.
(Philippians 4:19) “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."